The Walls in Hell Are Always Pink
by Utopist
Summary: Literati. Future fic. Used to be a one shot, but is now progressing. Rory, Jess, and informing the family.
1. The Walls in Hell are Always Pink

Disclaimer: I don't... oh, what in the hell am I still going on about. Do you really think I own this stuff? Come on, people. Realism here.

Whenever I don't feel like studying, I write. This is me, not wanting to study, browsing the challenge thread over at Stars-Hollow.

This is for Leigh, since she tossed the challenge out.

Challenge: The fic has to start with the words "The walls in hell are always pink."

One Shot: "The Walls in Hell are Always Pink"

"The walls in hell are always pink" he states, an expression of pure disgust traveling across his face as he surveys the space around him.

His wife elbows him.

"Shut up!"

"Rory! Look at this place! It's pink! Shocking pink! It looks like some distorted, real life version of Barbie's Malibou Mansion!"

Rory elbows him again, a little more forcefully this time

"Be nice. We agreed to come here, and tell Dad and... Sherry..." She grabs his arm as she senses him moving to bail. "You're not leaving me here by myself! This is half your fault!"

He rolls his eyes.

"You weren't complaining, as I recall. Actually, I think you seemed to enjoy it..." He smirks maliciously at her.

"Jess!" she clamps a hand on his mouth as he hears footsteps approaching

"Rory! Hi! How are you Sweetie? We haven't seen you in... forever!" Sherry's overly perky voice pierces through the air. Both Jess and Rory Mariano unvoluntarily wince at the sound, moments before the blonde's arms envelope Rory in a suffocating, piton style clutch.

"Hey Sherry. Yes, it's been too long" _Or not long enough_, she thinks.

Sherry moves to hug Jess, but his entire demeanor, let alone his facial expression, just about scream "touch me and die"

Hence, she resolves to shake his hand.

Rory glances around nervously. There is really too much pink in this room

The walls are pink.

The sofa is pink.

The door and window frames are painted pink, for goodness sake.

She remembers her stepmother being pregnant and a baby shower, where everything for the baby had been green, 'cause "Green is the new pink."

Now, it seems that pink is the new... designated color for a living room

Jess could gag. He tries thinking, for distraction, about his house, the home he shares with Rory. Where walls are a faded light yellow, the couch is a rich dark blue, and door and window frames are brown like they should be.

Where everything is as it should be.

Where bookcases line every possible unoccupied vertical surface, and each book a window into a different dimension, a parallel universe neither will ever get tired of exploring.

"Your father is going to be here..." Sherry is interrupted by Christopher throwing the front door open, Gigi squeezing by him to run inside and fairly jump on Rory, who stumbles right into Jess. Caught off guard, they all topple to the floor.

Chris just stares at the human heap lying in his living room. Sherry glares at her daughter. Gigi is sporting an ear to ear grin. Rory is giggling helplessly and Jess is scowling

"Gigi?" Asks Christopher

"Here Daddy."

"Rory?"

"No injuries, Dad"

"Jess?"

"Just fine and dandy."

"Good. Do you mind getting up... and sitting on the couch? I have a feeling it would be more comfortable for all parties involved."

Jess sits on the couch, Rory held somewhat protectively in his arms. He's frowning as he whispers in her ear

"You ok?"

"Yes"

"Feeling weird?"

"No."

"Well... falling isn't good... You sure?"

"Jess, I'm ok. Really. Stop worrying. Please."

"Stop whispering! It's not polite!" pipes up Gigi.

Jess rolls his eyes, and Rory elbows him for the umpeenth time today.

"So? To what do we owe this pleasure?" Chris asks of Rory.

Rory takes a deep breath.

"Well... Jess and I... we met in Star's Hollow ten years ago..."

Chris raises and eyebrow.

"I know that."

"And we got married two years ago..."

Chris gives her an exasperated look

"And... ehrm... Dad... Sherry... Gigi... I'm... we're..."

Jess jumps in.

"We're going to have a ..."

Chris and Sherry look at them wide eyed

Silence.

Jess and Rory look in each other's eyes... there's a silent daring game.

Who's gonna say it first?

Gigi stomps her foot, just about exasperated.

"You're gonna have a what? Party?"

"No Gerogia" says Rory.

"Uhmm... A cup of tea? " The nine year old wonders... "A cow?"

"What?"asks Jess, utterly bewildered.

"I don't know... It sounded good"

"Oh God" the Marianos utter in disbelief

"A friend over for dinner? Green Eggs and Ham?"

"A baby!"exlaim both Rory and Jess.

Silence again.

Jess finally splits it down the middle.

"Dr. Seuss, huh?"

"I liked him."

He relinquishes Rory, who goes to hug an overly exstatic Sherry and a flabbergasted Chris.

"You... and him... and... a baby... Rory! You're pregnant... by him..."

"Dad?"

"You're too young!"

"I'm twenty-six, Dad. That's hardly young"

She knows this drill with her father.

He pulled it when she and Jess had decided to move in together while she was going through graduate school at Columbia

When she had decided to answer Jess' question, choosing to become his wife, two years prior.

And now, with this baby.

Chris finally hugs her.

"Good luck, honey." He can't help but be happy for his daughter. For the the baby he didn't hold in his arms, and for the little girl whose first word he didn't hear, and for the young lady he didn't get to be jealous of... and for the woman who is now willingly sharing a part of her life with him.

She returns it, gladly.

"Are you guys staying for dinner?" Sherry volunteers. Both Jess and Rory shake their heads no.

"We're going back" States Jess.

"Roads are icy, and it's getting late, and tomorrow we both have to be... somewhere." Offers Rory, playing off her husband's cue as it often happens between them.

Final goodbyes are exchanged

"That wasn't so bad, was it?"

Jess just looks at her, raising his eyebrow, rubbing his offended side.

"Payback time" he mutters, drawing her to him and tickling her mercilessly in front of their car.

"Stop! Jess! I'm giving... all your Hemmingways... over to to... Lai!" She chockes out through the helpless laughter he's eliciting from her.

"You are not giving any of my books over to... your sister."

"She' also your cousin... and why not?" Rory bats her eyelashes at him, leaning against the car door, his faces inches from hers and his body not allowing even that short a distance between them.

"Because she'll scrawl her notes over mine. And I won't understand a thing. "

She kisses him.

He kisses her back.

"Hey Daddy." She chides.

He shakes his head.

"Home." He whispers in her ear, before kissing her again.

"If we go home now, can we paint the walls pink?" She asks, seriously.

"I'm filing for divorce." He replies, just as seriously.

"Halleluja! I'm free!" She lets glee slip in her voice.

"Geez! I thought you would at least pretend to fight me on this!" He allows hurt to seep into his.

"Why? I get all the books, all the CD's, child support... and I get rid of the sarcastic smartassed hoodlum I married. Win win situation. Can't go wrong there." Her hands wander to his waist.

"You really thought this through, haven't you?" He leans in, slowly traveling the small distance between their lips.

"Yeah. It was right after the 'say "I do" voice' on the 'Wedding Day to do list'" Her eyes tilts up slightly.

They hold each other's gaze throughout this entire exchange.

Matching grins paint their faces and they share another kiss.

"Let's go." She mumbles against his lips. "I wanna start in on my painting job."

"Uh-huh. Like to see you try, Gilmore." He circles around to the driver's side of the car.

"Just watch me, Mariano." She challenges, getting in.

**A/N: Review. It makes my day. And Carys lives off the stuff. So, if you wanna keep her alive... hand over the feedback. :)**


	2. Jess Never Calls on Mondays!

Disclaimer: Let us conjugate the verb "to disclaim". Disclaim. Disclaimed. Disclaimed. Boring, huh?

This takes place right a couple of weeks after Rory and Jess find out about her being pregnant. Since I don't really have a storyline thought out for this, I'm just going to wing it, hence the back and forthing.

Chapter 2: Jess Never Calls on Mondays!

Lorelai's cell phone rings, while she's having her usual morning Luke's coffee fix.

"Hello?"

"Outside."He grumbles, knowing his wife will just ignore him.

"Mom?" Rory's voice floats over the line.

"Hey Honey."

"Listen... I have... something to tell you."

Lorelai frowns at her daughter's serious tone.

"Rory? Is everything ok? Are you hurt? Did Jess do something to you? Should I hunt him down and kil him?"

Rory's eyes widen, and she hurries to correct her mother.

"Mom! Stop! I'm fine. Great, really. And things with Jess are great. And..." Rory shakes her head. "We're coming to visit next weekend."

Lorelai smiles

"Good. That's great." She glances at Luke, who's growing more annoyed by the second. "I'll talk to you later, Sweets, or my husband will disown me."

She turns to him after literally hanging up on her daughter.

"Something's up with those two."Lore states.

"Rory and Jess?"

"No, Syd and Nancy." Lore retorts dryly. "Of course Rory and Jess."

She sips her coffee.

In New York, Rory frowns at the dial tone.

Jess smirks at her.

"Scaredy cat."

"Am not!"

"Are too."

"She didn't let me!" Rory cries "She started asking whether you hurt me, and whether she should kill you or not. Excuse me for interceding on behalf of your life!"

Jess rolls his eyes, and walks over to her, embracing her.

"You gotta tell her sooner or later, Ror. It's not like we're gonna be able to hide it any longer."

"Deja vu, much?" She mutters.

"It kinda reminds me of when we had to tell everybody we were gonna get married..." He admits.

She kisses him gently.

"We're going to tell them this weekend..." They share a glance. "You gotta tell Liz. And Jimmy."

Jess groans.

"Why?"

"Because! They're your family. They need to know."

"Really? We can just tell Luke."

"Nope. I called my mother. You call "She hands him the phone. "Either."

"We haven't told your mom, yet." He points out.

"We're telling her this weekend." She retaliates.

"Fine." He grumbles. "But if I call Jimmy, you have to tell Christopher."

"What? Why?"

"'Cause, when we tell Lorelai and Luke, and after I call Jimmy, you'll have told one person related to you, versus my two."

"But..."

"Nope. I call Jimmy, and you call someone else."

She pouts.

HedialsJimmy, grinning.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Lyl."

"Jess! Is Rory pregnant?"

Jess blinks.

"What are you, some sort of psychic?"

"Well, you called, but it's not your usual Saturday morning phone call, because... it's 10AM, my time, on a Monday." She replies, matter of factly.

"That still doesn't mean I was gonna tell you..."

"And your voice was nervous. And... I really wanted..."

"Fine, fine. I give. We're pregnant. Happy? Jimmy there?"

"Yeah." Lily covers the mike end of the phone, yelling for her stepfather. "Jimmy? Jimmy! Jess!"

"Jess?" The older man checks his watch. "But it's 10 AM!"

"Just take the phone!" Lyl pleads.

"It's a Monday!" Jimmy argues. "Jess never calls on Mondays!"

"Which is why you should take this phone and speak into it." Lyly retorts, tossing him the cordless. On the other side of the continent, Jess rolls his eyes.

Rory giggles. He glares.

"Hello?" he says tentatively.

"Finally..." Jess grumbles.

"Jess? Something wrong? Someone die? Someone in a coma and..."

"Jimmy!"

"What?"

"I'm pregnant!" He blurts out.

"Get outta here!" Jimmy exclaims.

Jess smacks his forehead with his palm.

Rory laughs harder.

"What? Jesus! I'm gonna have a baby!"

"This a prank call, Jess? 'Cause I really don't need this. I'm gonna be late for work. I have to open the Inferno..."

"Jimmy! Shit! You think I would joke about this?"

Jimmy shuts up for a second.

"You can't be pregnant Jess," he says weakly. "It's genetically impossible for you to be. You're a guy."

Jess rolls his eyes.

"Rory's pregnant, Jimmy. I provide half of the genetic code."

"I kinda understood that."

"Really?" Jess deadpans. "I thought I was gonna have to give you the talk."

"Shut up Jess." Jimmy gathers his thoughts. "Shit, Jess, this is... big. Like... whoa..."

"Nice to see you're taking this well." Jess deadpans again.

"Hey! You throw me into chaos, and expect me to be coherent? Sorry, man, you gotta work with what you get!"

"Jesus, Jimmy! How hard is it to say 'Great news, Jess. Congratulations'?"

"Great news, Jess. Congratulations." Jimmy monotones."Happy?"

"Extatic." Jess retorques sarcastically.

They're both silent. Sasha walks in.

"What're you raising hell about? I could hear you a block down the street."

"Jess is pregnant." Jimmy informs her.

"That's not possible. He's a guy."

"Rory's pregnant!" Jess yells over the line.

"Wow! Congratulations Jess!"

"See? Easy" Jess points out to his father.

"I gotta go." Jimmy mutters.

"Fine."

"Hey, Jess?"

"What?"

"I'm happy for you, really. This is really great news."

Father and son, a continent apart, shake their heads, roll their eyes, and smirk.

"Thanks, Jimmy."

**A/N: I know. Short. Like I care. I just couldn't proceed further. Carys says hi and begs you to feed her with your comments. M.**


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